As I was watching Wheel Of Fortune a couple of nights later, a woman spun the “$1 Million” sliver stuffed precariously in between the two “Bankrupt” slivers for a chance to complete a puzzle that read “BASKING IN THE _A_M SUNSHINE”. She asked for an “L” and confoundedly watched the incredible loot disappear as her error passed the baton to her neighbor, who provided the “W” and “R” that were missing and won the round. In the midst of railing against the woman’s cluelessness and folly, wondering “How stupid could you be to have a million bucks placed at your feet and blow it like that?” it hit me.

Instant karma’s a bitch. I suddenly thought of my Powerball ticket, wanting to touch it in my live hands. But it was nowhere to be found. I panicked. I searched every pocket of every article of clothing I owned. I went out to the driveway with a flashlight and dug through every nook and cranny of the cars. I even drove back to the Albertson’s I shopped at earlier that day and looked nervously around the self-checkout lanes like a kook. It was nowhere to be found. So I did what anyone else would have done. I listened to the murmurings of Fate, took the loss as a sign, bought three more, and lost.

There’s no way my numbers won. But regardless of the odds, it’s inevitable. No matter how I process it in my mind, the rest of my days will be plagued with that dreadfully nagging suspicion. Someone is walking around with 149 million dollars. And they won it on my ticket. Here’s to you, my millions…

Kelis w/ Andre 3000 – Millionaire